The Aftermath of Infidelity: Changes in Your Perspective of Love and Relationships

Experience is the best teacher, they always say. Every day leaves us with a lesson or two to guide us through the next. While happy moments teach us to appreciate life more, bad times teach us to make better choices. It can’t be denied, though, that sometimes, before we learn from hard times, they give us pain first. Just like when we get cheated on by the ones we love.

Affairs not only break relationships, it changes the people involved too, especially the one getting lied to. Your attitude toward love and relationships changes so does the way you approach any situation that may end up in a romantic attachment.

These are just some of the ways being cheated on changes you. The list does not end there.

5 Not-So-Surprising Ways Being Cheated on Changes You

Cheating and infidelity seemingly change the person it left in pain. Here’s how.

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1. You think you’re not good enough

It literally steals your self-esteem. You start questioning yourself, “Is this my fault? Is there something about me that you’ve come to dislike? Am I not good enough?”

You question your own worth, and you blame yourself for failing to satisfy your partner. And then you tell yourself that nobody will ever love you, that you’ll never be good enough for someone.

2. You feel like a piece of you has been taken away

You loved—truly and deeply at that. You invested so much in that relationship, physically, mentally, and emotionally. You gave too much only to have all that taken for granted. When it hits you, it leaves you feeling like a part of you has been taken away, as if you became a totally different person, from a perfectly imperfect yet happy being to a broken soul with countless holes seeking to be filled.

3. You start to have trust issues

It’s one of the first noticeable changes in you. You yourself know it. If before, one good deed is enough for you to trust someone, after the betrayal, trusting people becomes tenfold harder. You know, for a fact, that not all people are like your ex, but still, putting your faith in somebody seems like a huge task. You are aware that trust issues in a relationship can ruin things, but you can’t help it.

You gave someone your trust but they broke it, so doing the same will feel like intentionally putting yourself through another painful experience.

4. You see and notice things you used to ignore

Once you’ve been betrayed, you start to see some truths you used to not care about.

Movies make us believe that love is that really beautiful thing that gives you the kind of happiness nothing else ever will. It makes you think that Cinderella’s happily-ever-after tale can be your story too. Days, months into the relationship, you hold on to that idea. And then you start believing that if you just love people truthfully, they will love you back just as much.

But then one day you find out your partner has been cheating on you and all those fairy tale–like ideas in your head are suddenly gone. You find out that nothing lasts forever. You realize that just because you love the person dearly does not mean they love you back, or at least not as long and as much as you want them to. And then you realize that Cinderella was just so lucky she found the man of her life, although you can’t be sure either that they did stay together forever.

Moreover, when you move on to a new relationship, you become more cautious. You tend to notice the red flags faster too. The little things that seemed off in your previous relationship but never really dug deeper into, you dwell in them longer in your next.

5. You get scared of falling in love again

Another one of the many ways being cheated changes you is how it makes you scared of falling in love all over again. Yes, it’s another shot at happiness, but also it could be another painful cage you end up getting locked in and you don’t want that. Loving before was this sweet feeling you wish would never go away, but the second time around, you can’t help but think that with love comes pain and the more you love, the more painful it can be. You’re scared of having to cry yourself to sleep again. You’re afraid of feeling worthless again.

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Amanda Thomas

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