People invest money in a business, but it fails and they go broke; and it’s scary, seeing every penny you worked hard for go down the drain. But perhaps, nothing could get scarier than investing so much in a relationship only to see it fall apart slowly because of unfaithfulness.
Promises of loyalty and forever are the easiest to break. And we all know that, especially those who have had to deal with a cheating girlfriend or a cheating boyfriend before. Our idea of happiness and perfection is subject to change, most of these changes brought about by our past experiences. In a relationship, when we get cheated on, a happily-ever-after becomes a thing that is only possible in movies. Forever is just a concept.
We get hurt. We trust less.
Having doubts is understandable, but you have to remember that trust is that one important thing on which every relationship should be built; and without it, things will not go as smoothly as you want them to be. You try to be very careful that you end up questioning every suspicious move your partner does. Misunderstanding arise, which then lead to bigger problems.
You’ve been hurt before and you’re just trying to save yourself from going through that again, and that is okay. But if you do not learn to trust again, things won’t be easy for you and your significant other. So you have to learn to trust people . . . again. You don’t have to give it to your partner immediately. Your faith is not one of those things you can just offer anyone on a silver platter. Trusting people is a process—as it should be.
It won’t be easy. If you want to get rid of trust issues in a relationship, there are aspects you have to start working on.
Trust Issues in a Relationship and How to Deal with Them
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Fixing trust issues in a relationship depends on a lot of things. First, there are questions that have to be asked. How well do you know your partner? How understanding are you willing to be for them? How much do you respect them? How much do you love them?
Before you try to deal with the problem, it is important that you know if you really want to do this. If your partner made a mistake so big or your ex betrayed you big time that the idea of restoring your trust in people sounds crazy in itself, it is all right to take this slow.
Once you’re ready to face the problem, start with the most important move: communicate.
People take their chance to be able to talk to the ones they love for granted. For some, the opportunity to communicate is a luxury they can’t afford. Sit down and start discussing the things that made you doubt them. If there was ever an event that caused you to stop trusting your partner, tell them about it. Explain to them why and how it hurt you. If it was you that made a mistake, admit to doing it; denial will only make things worse. If you want your partner to gain your trust, you need to give them good enough reason to do the same.
Secondly, avoid anything that will only make your distrust of your partner worse. Trust issues in a relationship have us (always) assuming that our significant other is hiding something, so we look for the mistake ourselves. And one of the first things we check is their social media account. For example, we check their Instagram and make up our own story based on the people they follow and posts they like.
In a Women’s Health magazine feature, a woman talked about how her constant fear that her boyfriend might be cheating on her led her to stalk his Instagram account, which only fueled her trust issues. The only way for her to overcome it was to block him.
She shared, “I spent hours looking at my boyfriend’s Instagram photos and clicking on all the girl’s profiles who liked or commented on his pictures. I thought he was secretly hooking up with all of them. So I asked him to sit down with me and explain who each woman was. Half of them were his good friends from college and a few were family members. I couldn’t believe that I drove myself crazy over this. So I blocked his social media profiles to combat my weird trust issues. It’s helped so much and our relationship has never been stronger.”
Another way to deal with trust issues in a relationship is to work on building an honest atmosphere.
People lie. A lot. A 1996 study by Dr. Bella DePaulo revealed that lying is part of everyday life. Of her respondents, a significant number of college students admitted to telling at least two lies every day. We lie to everyone, to the people we love and those we don’t love. While it is indeed a part of life, you should not let it doom your relationship. As much as possible, as much as you can, be honest. Every time you get the chance to have a heart-to-heart talk, do not hide anything, do not make up stories. Being honest with each other is a big step to building a real happy present and future together.
A relationship without trust will never last. Or maybe it will, but it will never be the kind you can call strong and real. You might not believe them when they say this, but it’s true, you can never love completely until you learn to trust fully.
Should you stay or leave in a relationship when you can no longer trust your significant other? Check our article.
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