You meet a guy, and initially he seems like the best guy you’ve ever met. He’s friendly and charming, he converses well, he has an epic sense of humor, and he always seems to have the most incredible and interesting stories. Slowly and gradually, you begin to develop feelings for each other. Before long, you’re in a committed relationship with each other. Everything is as perfect as it could be.
Or is it?
Before long, your relationship starts to show signs of strain, and the man you deemed an ideal man slowly shows cracks in his almost perfect armor. At first it’s the little things, like you catch telling white lies that seem harmless. But then his lies get bigger and bigger, until you don’t know which is which anymore. His incredible stories, which always seemed so awesome, now fill you with doubt. You even start to wonder if they’re true or not.
If you’re entertaining such suspicions about the guy you’re dating, there’s the chance that he might be a pathological liar. We’ve compiled a list of the signs you need to look out for so you can properly address the situation before your life gets complicated:
Signs the Person You’re Dating Is a Pathological Liar
1. He tells white lies all the time, just for the sake of it.
Pathological liars don’t just lie about the big things; they lie about the small things too. And they don’t have to do it for a significant reason. Frequently they lie because they can feel like they can get away with it or they just feel like it. It starts becoming a habit for them, to the extent that it’s already starting to seem like a compulsion, even an addiction.
2. He’s told stories that you can easily prove wrong, but when you confront him about it, he’ll deny it or switch the blame on you.
The latter is what is called “gaslighting,” and it’s a form of psychological manipulation wherein a person abuses another person in any way but makes them question their own sanity by making them think it was all their fault.
3. Many people have warned you about his habit of lying.
While gossip is unfair and you should always give the benefit of the doubt to a person, or at least give him the chance to prove himself, it is time to start paying attention to it when it’s not just a few people who have been warning you about him. Look at it from a realistic mind-set: if multiple people are telling you that’s he’s a pathological liar or that he has issues, chances are they may be telling the truth.
4. There are the days when you suddenly can’t reach him, and when he gets back to you, he just gives you some vague excuse.
Pathological liars are not just compulsive liars; there’s also the chance they might also be cheaters or even living secret lives aside from the one they share with you. If the guy you’re dating suddenly disappears on you for several days or even weeks with nary an explanation, there’s a good chance that he might be hiding a secret life from you.
5. You have this feeling about him that he might be too good to be true.
One thing pathological liars are good at is the ability to appear downright perfect and angelic especially when the relationship is still new and you’re still getting to know them. However, there is no way they can keep up this facade forever. Sooner or later, he will start showing his true colors. If there’s something our life experience has shown us, it’s that when a person seems too good to be true, he probably is.
6. He loves to attract attention, and he loves basking in it.
One thing that goes hand in hand with compulsive lying is attention-seeking behavior. Most pathological liars usually start off their harmful habit of lying because it’s a way to get attention from other people—attention that they never got in their childhood. He will do everything he can to stand out—from fishing for compliments and bending the truth to outright lying.
7. You get the sense that he actually has low self-esteem.
Pathological liars may seem like they have such a superior sense of self, but the reality is far from that. For all the boasting and posturing that they do, they actually have very low self-esteem; their posturing is actually a cover for their poor self-image. In short, they lie so they can, at least in their lies, pretend to be the person they’ve always wished they could be.
8. His personality changes according to the people he’s with.
This is different from the adjustments that normal people make when they’re around people they’re not close to as opposed to how they act when they’re with their family and loved ones. With pathological liars, it becomes a more pronounced and extreme change to the extent that they seem like completely different people. These people have an obsessive need to project a perfect persona to the people around them.
9. For some reason, the people in your mutual circle start treating you differently.
If ever this happens, be careful! Pathological liars have a tendency to create drama for no reason at all. If other people are starting to give you awkward looks and avoid you, there’s a chance that the person in question might be telling all sorts of false stories about you to them. If ever this happens, your best option is to talk to the people in your circle to find out what’s going on. And while you’re at it, it might be time to break up with the guy you’re seeing.
10. Finally, he doesn’t show any remorse when you’ve caught him in a lie.
Confront a pathological liar with the fact that you’ve found out the truth and he will only deny what he’s done. Worse, he will not show any sign of remorse or guilt and will start becoming defensive.