Love and Lies: Signs Your Partner Is Lying and Keeping Things from You

Everybody lies. Truth be told, many of us tell at least two lies every day. And remember what Dr. Gregory House, MD, from House said? “It’s a basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies. The only variable is about what.”

He may be a fictional character, but what he said is far from being just a piece of fiction.
It happens in relationships too. Fearing that it will create a misunderstanding, we hide the truth from our partner sometimes. White lies are what they call it, the ones we tell to prevent the bigger evil from happening. But just because humans are basically a walking box of lies does not mean we should lie every time we can or whenever the situation calls for deceit.

Lies will never make your bond with your partner stronger. If anything, a relationship without honesty is bound to fall apart. According to marriage and couples therapist Irina Firstein, LCSW, lies will only lead to all sorts of—bigger—issues. She quipped, “It leads to suspicion, interrogation, questioning, blame on the part of the partner who has been lied to . . . and at times a sense of helplessness and hopelessness for the partner who broke the trust.”

So as much as you can, be prepared to spill the beans. It can be hard, especially when you know it’s something that can potentially ruin the relationship you’re trying so hard to keep intact, but think about the consequences every lie comes with. When your lie gets discovered, what you fear the most can happen before you know it.

But if all these years, you’ve been trying to be genuine and unpretentious toward your partner yet you still feel like something’s off, then maybe it’s not you who has to come clean. As mentioned, everybody lies—and that includes your significant other.

We all have stories we’d rather not tell, and your partner is no exception. It’s either they don’t want to hurt you, or they think it’s something not important and not worth bringing up over dinner. Either way, you know for yourself that dishonesty will never do any of you good. Before you talk to them about how you feel, though, you have to know if there actually is something wrong. Signs your partner is lying to you may not be that obvious, but they are not totally unnoticeable either. Here are some of these red flags.

 5 Warning Signs Your Partner Is Lying to You

There’s no use in trying to run away from the harsh truth that your significant other might be hiding something from you. Below are the surefire signs your partner is lying to you that you should look out for.

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1. Your gut tells you so

Sometimes, you just have to put your faith in your stomach. If something does not feel right, then something must be wrong. If your intuition tells you your partner is hiding something, it’s time to ask the questions that will get you the answer you need.

2. Their body language gives it away

A chronic liar is good with words but sometimes not with actions. What they say won’t match how they act, as if the latter is sending a different message. According to “love doctor” Terri Orbuch, PhD, a lying and cheating partner won’t be able to look you straight in the eye. Their pupils dilate too, they tend to blink more often, or they’re acting differently altogether. You might not be an observer keen enough to spot it, but it’s there, and changes in behavior, in general, always mean something.

3. They always tell you they don’t know how to lie

Yes, one of the most common signs your partner is lying to you is when they tell you they never lie. It’s not really surprising when people try to cover up their lies by telling another lie. “I didn’t do it” is a liar’s go-to line, but of course, it’s just another one of those excuses and lines cheaters love to throw when they feel like they’re being put on the hot seat.

4. Their stories don’t match

Liars need to have a good memory. They live off made-up and suspiciously overdetailed stories, so every time they get asked about an incident they probably lied about, they have to say the same thing, or their cover will end up getting blown. So you’ll know it if your partner is indeed lying when their stories start to become more inconsistent, like some things just don’t add up.

5. They accuse you of being a liar

What better way to get away with lying but to pin the blame on the innocent. They accuse you of cheating, making you feel guilty over something you did not do in an attempt to justify their own wrongdoings. This is also their way of misleading you or making you forget about the idea of them being the pathological liar.

Even the act of entertaining the idea that your partner could be lying to you this whole time is mentally and emotionally draining in itself. It’s hard to accept that the one you love and trust the most is hiding things from you. But dishonesty in relationships, romantic or not, will only ruin things. Before the worst-case scenario turns into a real, actual disaster, it’s better to confirm things yourself, watch out for the signs your partner is lying to you, and confront them about it. You deserve the truth, don’t let yourself be kept in the dark forever.

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Amanda Thomas

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