There’s nothing more torturous than getting lied to by the one you trust and love the most. So anyone who’s been there or those who are currently in a romantic relationship would probably agree that one of the worst feelings in the world is finding yourself in a situation where you have more than enough reason to suspect—if not believe—that your significant other is seeing someone else. You try to convince yourself that it’s all in your head, that maybe this time, you shouldn’t trust your guts; but then the longer you stay mum, the more you get suspicious.
You want to confront your partner, but you can’t, not when you don’t have enough evidence to back your claim.
We all have our relationship trust issues, we all get drowned in fears and doubts sometimes, and that’s all right. What’s not right, though, is just directly asking them to admit a mistake when you don’t have any proof. So no matter how much you want the truth to be out, you can’t ask them if they’re cheating or not because what if you’re wrong, you will only give them a reason to stray for real. Without a way out, these suspicious will make you feel caged, in your own thoughts, in your own fears.
And then you also have to consider that cheaters always have a plan ready that will help them get away with their unfaithfulness. They probably even have a script prepared when time comes you actually ask questions. So even if you’re the victim here, you have to be careful not to touch the wrong string.
It is not impossible, though, to get the truth our of your partner’s mouth without actually accusing them of cheating. You just have to ask the right questions.
Digging for the Truth: Questions to Ask Your Partner If You Think They’re Cheating
Here are some of the questions to ask your partner if you think they’re cheating that will get you closer to the truth you deserve to know.
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1. Is there anything I should be worried about?
It’s the go-to question if you don’t want to throw the straightforward “are you cheating” right away. It’s also the best one to ask so you’d know if there are actually issues that need attention that you just weren’t aware of.
Additionally, asking your partner if there’s anything you need to be worried about will lead you to the truth they are afraid to tell you. It may not even be infidelity, it could be something about work or a new hobby they adopted that they fear you will not like or a problem with their family they’ve been meaning to tell you but can’t. Once you’ve established the fact that you will listen to what they’ll say, you will get more answers from them than what you expected.
2. What do you think about betrayal and cheating?
One of the questions to ask your partner if you think they’re cheating is their attitude toward the act itself and their definition of it. You need to know what they think is considered cheating and what isn’t. Everybody differs in their idea of what actually constitutes cheating and your partner is no exception. Before you throw those accusations, you need to make sure that you’re on the same page, that what you think is out of bounds is a no-no for them too.
What if exchanging messages with a co-worker is not good with you but is just an act of friendliness for your husband? Or what if you think going out for a drink with a male colleague is just a part of the job for your wife but is a dealbreaker for you? You will end up accusing your partner of cheating, but they don’t even know it.
This question will also open the discussion on relationship boundaries, something you two will need to build a healthier and stronger bond.
3. Can I see your phone?
Cell phones are cheaters’ best friend, so if you’ve been suspecting that your partner is cheating behind your back, chances are, their phone will give you something that can either confirm or disprove your suspicions.
Going out all the time would raise more eyebrows than lazing around all day at home staring at the phone, so if your partner is indeed cheating, their messages, emails, and social media activities will give it away. So ask them if you can see their phone, and if they stall around and invoke their right to privacy when they usually don’t, it’s one of the signs that your partner is lying and perhaps, it’s safe to assume that there’s actually something on that phone they don’t want you to see.
4. Is there anyone else out there that has caught your interest?
Now this could be a question that warrants a dishonest answer. If your partner is actually cheating, it’s very likely that they’ll say no. It’s worth a shot, though. You asking this might get them to share about someone who has caught their attention. Or they end up talking about someone from the past they had lunch with last week. Either way, this will get them to open up about topics they are aware can hurt your relationship but things they know you should be told about.
5. Have you ever been cheated on?
If you want to know how big the possibility that you have a cheating partner is, it pays to ask them about their history with cheating.
Speaker and spiritual counselor Davida Rappaport says, “Ask your partner if they were ever in a relationship where their partner cheated on them. If so, ask them what they did when they found out. If they [say] they never cheated on anyone or experienced a partner cheating on them, you can drop the subject. If they [have], you can both discuss it and share your experiences with them. Once you know their past and they know yours, you can establish healthy boundaries and come to some sort of understanding as to what you consider cheating.”
To strike a conversation that can either make or break your relationship is hard. But it’s better to dig for the truth now before you get attached too tight and it’s harder for you to walk out and save yourself.
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