It wasn’t all rainbows and sunshine, but to you, it was the most perfect relationship. It was the relationship you’ve always dreamed of. Yes, it has its flaws, but it was worth saving every time arguments arise. The thrill of love and relationship has worn off over the past years you’ve been together, but you knew for yourself you would have given a resounding yes, if he asked you to marry him.
But a lot of women are not gifted with the chance of living a fairy tale. Instead of a happily-ever-after, some stories end with the prince saving another damsel in distress. And you? You are the lass that watches them from afar as they ride a chariot to the kingdom you thought you’d be the queen.
That should’ve been you, if only he didn’t stray. You still find yourself thinking how great the present would have been, if he didn’t cheat and you were still together. Because you see, discovering your partner’s affair is hard to deal with, but getting over a cheating boyfriend can be way more difficult.
Ways of Getting Over a Cheating Boyfriend
The news of your partner cheating is sure to maim your heart. You broke up with him and swore to god you will never want to see him again. Yet weeks later, love trampled your dignity. You ate everything you just said and found yourself calling him in the middle of the night, begging for one more chance. You did everything you could, but you failed to win him back.
But you know what? If there’s someone who must kneel for absolution and second chance, it ought to be him and not you. And until he gathers the courage to talk to you, if he even wants to, you must learn to move on. It’s true, it’s easier said than done. But you are not the only one who’s been through this, and there are those who have succeeded in getting over a cheating boyfriend. How did they do it? Here are the steps they took that you should follow.
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1. Let your emotions out
After the affair, you find yourself asking, “What have I done wrong to deserve this?” Insecurities will devour you alive. But part of the journey to getting over a cheating boyfriend is to accept rejection and separation. Of course, that will not happen overnight, so until then, just cry it out until it hurts no more.
2. Dispose every reminder of him
How can you possibly expect yourself to move on if a portrait of you together still hangs on the wall? You simply can’t. The letters he wrote, the sweater he let you borrow, and the big fluffy life-size teddy bear he gave you, throw them all out. And don’t ask for your stuff back. They will only become emotional triggers, and dealing with triggers after an affair can be hard.
So brave the heavens and take the hard step of letting these things go. Let yourself grieve for the broken relationship but hurt yourself a little less by tossing away all the things that remind you of the past.
3. Do not try to be friends
You can’t be friends when you were once lovers, that’s a cardinal rule. He cheated on you, so why should you be friends with him ? Don’t try to ask for updates either. Don’t even try to know if he’s home from work or if he missed his lunch today. You aren’t the girlfriend anymore, so you should stop playing that role in his life. One of the crucial steps to getting over a cheating boyfriend is setting better boundaries.
4. Stop seeking answers
Sometimes, the best answer you could get is not getting one at all. And that applies to you when you’ve just broken up with your cheating significant other. After all, deep within you, you already know why things ended up the way they did. You are not the one at loss, he is. The best thing to do is to accept that you are not meant to be together and that your relationship has reached its end.
5. Break off all connections
Finally, you can smile again and you have probably gone on a date with some other guy you met at the club. But just when you thought you’d moved on, you saw his Facebook post about his recent out-of-the-country trip with his new lover. It only took a second for everything to come playing back in your mind. From a significant progress toward moving on, you’re back to zero again.
While you’re still in the process of getting over a cheating boyfriend, sever all ties first and get rid of anything that may lead you back to him. That means changing your phone number, blocking him on social media, or even discontinuing your contact with his friends and family.
6. Make yourself busy
Your breakup could be an opportunity for you to better yourself. Instead of wasting your whole day worrying about where he might be, you can now take cooking lessons or hit the gym. It’s also a great time to save, now that you don’t have to splurge on birthday and anniversary gifts. Then you can use the money to travel overseas.
Making yourself busy with the things that you’ve always wanted to try will help you think of him less and heal faster.
7. Do not plot a revenge
The pain being cheated on causes can be excruciating that all you want to do is to get back at him. Seeking revenge sounds normal for anyone whose heart has been broken, but it will only make you look desperate. According to psychologist Dr. Lisa Orban, getting back at your cheating man can lead to even more undesirable events.
“The feeling of revenge is a deeply instinctual part of being human. Many believe that the emotional release of exacting revenge will help us feel better. But often, revenge has the opposite effect,” Orban shares.
Make sure that everything you do, you’re doing it for yourself and not because you want him to envy you and realize his mistakes. In fact, forgive him instead and let him wonder if he ever was important in your life for you to forgive him so easily.
8. Surround yourself with people who understand
Getting over a cheating boyfriend is a process you can’t go through alone. So it pays to be with people who will hear you out and understand you. Seek the company of those who won’t judge you over a ruined relationship or for the choices you ended up making.
9. Listen to those who care
When your heart mourns, the rest of your organs fail to function properly, especially your ears. It can really be hard to listen to anything else other than what your heart tells you. It’s true that only you can put a definite end to your suffering, but listening to the people who care about you speeds up the process of you getting over a cheating boyfriend. So take the time to sit down and listen to what the people around you have to say. Who knows, you can get pieces of advice from them that you can use in the future.
10. Fall again for the right person, for the right reasons
The experience you had with a cheater should not make you isolate yourself from the world. Do not be afraid to try and love again. When you’re ready, open your heart, but make sure that this time, it’s for the right person and for the right reason.
It won’t immediately make sense, but you have to remember that things happen for a reason. Take this incident as a blessing in disguise. At least, you’ve known his vice before you could say “I do,” and all you had was a consensus that’s easier to break than a legal document binding you together. Learn to move on, forget what has gone, and ready yourself for another better chapter.
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