To have confirmed that your partner is cheating behind your back can leave anyone in tears, with others blaming themselves that maybe they have not done enough. But self-blame and self-criticism and locking yourself until it no longer hurts is not the right way to settle the issue at hand. Talking to your cheating partner does.
True, it’s easier said than done. It’s not as easy as asking them about what they want to eat for dinner. But there’s no better way to solve the problem that concerns your relationship’s future than grabbing a chair and talking it over.
It’s a conversation that can go wrong easily, considering the subject, but there are tips you can follow to make sure it will go as smoothly and effectively as possible.
Things to Remember Before Confronting a Cheating Partner
Here are things you should remember before you confront your cheating partner.
Gather enough evidence first
We’re not all Desmond Doss, not everyone can survive a war unarmed. So before you sit down and talk about the wrong you believe they’ve done, gather enough pieces of evidence to prove your claims. If you don’t do that, they can easily lie their way out. Physical evidence is helpful in this situation. That suit that had lip marks on it or the dress that reeks of cigarette or liquor, present it. Be prepared.
Use a healthy and positive approach
Yes, you’re mad, but if you show up already thinking about ending it all, then the result won’t be too favorable. As much as possible, approach the problem as positively as possible. That does not mean you have to tell some lies first or beat around the bush; if anything, it’s best to get to the point right away. But it’s good to tell them that you love them so much, that’s why you’re hurting. Show them your willingness to address the problem.
Keep it fair
Hear their side. Do not do all the talking. Every story has more than one version, and it pays to know theirs. Give them a chance to explain. Whatever you had was built on something as strong as love, so there must be a reason why they ended up giving in to temptations. What you will hear might be a lot to take, but trust that it will be worth it.
Sadness and anger is building up inside you, but you have to try to stay calm. If you go there already ready to fight, it won’t end the way you want it to, you won’t get the answers you need. You are trying to communicate here, so staying calm through it all is a great help.
Get rid of the assumptions that this is the end
You’ve invested too much in this relationship, you can’t just let it end that way. Do not confront a cheating partner thinking that breakup is the only sensible ending. Learn the art of forgiveness and consider the possiblity of reconciliation.
To confront a cheating partner you trusted too much is not a walk in the park, a lot of things are at stake, but if you talk to them in an accusing manner without giving them a chance to speak, a good closure is far from being real. And that’s the last thing you want to happen.