To many, cheating is considered the ultimate betrayal since trust takes so long to build. Trust is literally the foundation a relationship is built on. Once your trust for someone is ruined, then everything else you’re trying to build together with them will just fall apart with it. If you’ve learned to trust him so much, you may unconsciously choose to ignore the obvious signs of his infidelity. But finding out when it’s too late hurts all the more. How exactly do you find out that your boyfriend is cheating on you?
Here are signs and red flags to look out for in case you’re starting to feel it in your gut.
Common Signs Your Boyfriend Is Cheating
If you’ve been cheated on before, you may know these signs all too well, which can be a good thing. You’ll be able to recognize what’s going on quickly and get out. However, it can be a bad thing when you’ve become too sensitive and are zeroing in on non-issues because of the trauma in your past.
Whether you’ve been through it or not, let’s see whether he’s done too many of the following to you.
He’s always on his phone.
If he’s suspiciously been glued to his phone and he won’t even tell you what he’s doing, this should be a major concern. A man who’s 100% into the relationship and doesn’t have another woman in the mix will have nothing to hide. He won’t be constantly texting someone else and acting funny about it either.
He suddenly cares more about his appearance.
Has he been suddenly frequenting the gym? Has he bought weird new colognes? Is he trying out a more updated hairstyle? Shopping for new clothes and dressing differently? If he suddenly takes a renewed interest in his appearance when you’re in an established relationship, he’s probably not trying to impress you. If he never had an interest in working out before, he could be preening to try to attract someone new.
He’s always “at work.”
If your boyfriend is cheating, it’s likely the “work” excuse that works well pretty quickly. Has he been coming home late with the usual explanation? Is he suddenly traveling out of town “for work” more frequently? If he doesn’t offer more information to make the situation a bit clearer (and more realistic), it’s far more likely that he’s keeping the story short on details to avoid falling into a lie you can check out.
He’s not as intimate anymore.
If he was a loyal guy by nature and cheating is something new for him, your boyfriend may feel guilty about being affectionate with you. Even if he’s not in love with the person he’s cheating with, someone engaging in infidelity can feel uncomfortable behaving intimately with a girlfriend because it runs counter to their cheating behavior.
He either avoids sex or wants it all the time.
He could be avoiding sex with you altogether because he’s already having enough of it with someone else. On the other hand, some guys may find their sexual appetite peaking because the affair is leading to a surge in testosterone. Or maybe giving you more sex is a way for him to cope with his guilt. Be sure to watch out for changes in his normal patterns.
His phone is suddenly off-limits.
Back then, he handed you his phone to share a funny article or asked you to check his texts for him. He used to always leave his phone out in the open. Now he shuts his laptop any time you come into the room, never sends text messages in front of you, and even added a new password to his phone or computer. If he wasn’t previously this private, then he must not want you to see who he’s been chatting with.
He’s being hypercritical.
If he’s been angry with you all the time and you don’t know why, it could be because he feels bad and wants to turn you into the bad guy to alleviate his guilt. Has he been nitpicking about every little thing you do that irritates him? He might be trying to focus on any trait of yours that could supply him with a justification for his cheating, no matter how slim.
He gets overly defensive when confronted.
If he wasn’t really cheating, he wouldn’t be that furious when confronted. We’re not saying he won’t be hurt at the suggestion. But if this is is the first time you’ve mentioned it and he goes ballistic, this is indicative of a guy who is truly guilty.
He turns the tables on you.
While it may seem surprising, a common characteristic of a cheating boyfriend is that he accuses you of cheating on him. In fact, it’s been shown that people tend to accuse their accusers of what they’re doing as a way to deflect blame and guilt. And if your man insists that you’re the one who’s being unfaithful, this is only reflective of his guilt. He might also blame you for not trusting him enough.
He has completely changed his routine.
People are creatures of habit. When you’ve been with someone for a while, you become familiar with those habits. If all of a sudden he’s adopting an entirely new routine, something is up. Has his work hours changed noticeably? Is he working through lunch instead of eating out together? Has he stopped calling you on schedule? Has he been suddenly using his phone in the restroom for 20 to 30 minutes?
A Final Word
So how did it go? If you’ve ticked more than half, there’s a high chance your boyfriend is cheating on you. But whether you see him acting out in any of the above ways or not, the fact you are looking so closely suggests your relationship needs some work.
Be smart. Understand the signs to know whether you should talk this out and work on it or break up.
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